100 Plus Funny Jokes

1. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
2. I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
3. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
4. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
5. Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
6. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
7. I told my wife she was getting too old for a birthday cake. She said she still wanted one but with fewer candles.
8. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
9. Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
10. Why don't ants get sick? Because they have tiny antibodies.
11. I used to be a baker, but I couldn't raise the dough.
12. I was addicted to soap operas, but I'm clean now.
13. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
14. I have a photographic memory, but I always forget to bring the film.
15. I'm reading a book about teleportation. It has its ups and downs.
16. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
17. I was going to tell a joke about sodium, but Na.
18. Why did the duck cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
19. I'm not arguing, I'm just passionately expressing my incorrect opinion.
20. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
21. I was going to tell a joke about pizza, but it was a little cheesy.
22. I used to be a baker, but I couldn't raise the dough.
23. Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? Because it ran out of juice.
24. I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
25. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
26. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
27. I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
28. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
29. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
30. I don't trust people who do acupuncture. They're backstabbers.
31. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
32. I'm trying to organize a hide-and-seek tournament, but good players are hard to find.
33. I'm reading a book on how to start a fire without matches. Chapter One: throw away your matches.
34. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
35. Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.
36. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn't peeling well.
37. I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
38. I used to be a baker, but I couldn't raise the dough.
39. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
40. I told my wife she was getting too old for a birthday cake. She said she still wanted one but with fewer candles.
41. Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
42. Why don't ants get sick? Because they have tiny ant-b
43. I'm trying to organize a hide-and-seek tournament, but good players are hard to find.
44. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
45. I have a photographic memory, but I always forget to bring the film.
46. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
47. I was going to tell a joke about sodium, but Na.
48. Why did the duck cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
49. I'm not arguing, I'm just passionately expressing my incorrect opinion.
50. I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
51. I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
52. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
53. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
54. I don't trust people who do acupuncture. They're backstabbers.
55. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
56. I'm trying to organize a hide-and-seek tournament, but good players are hard to find.
57. I'm reading a book on how to start a fire without matches. Chapter One: throw away your matches.
58. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
59. Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.
60. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn't peeling well.
61. I used to be a baker, but I couldn't raise the dough.
62. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
63. I told my wife she was getting too old for a birthday cake. She said she still wanted one, but with less candles.
64. Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
65. Why don't ants get sick? Because they have tiny antibodies.
66. I have a photographic memory, but I always forget to bring the film.
67. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
68. I was going to tell a joke about sodium, but Na.
69. Why did the duck cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
70. I'm not arguing, I'm just passionately expressing my incorrect opinion.
71. I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
72. I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
73. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
74. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
75. I don't trust people who do acupuncture. They're backstabbers.
76. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
77. I'm trying to organize a hide-and-seek tournament, but good players are hard to find.
78. I'm reading a book on how to start a fire without matches. Chapter One: throw away your matches.
79. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
80. Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.
81. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn't peeling well.
82. I used to be a baker, but I couldn't raise the dough.
83. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
84. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
85. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
86. Why don't oysters give to charity? Because they're shellfish.
87. I told my wife she was getting too obsessed with astrology. She didn't take it well. She's a Scorpio.
88. Why don't ghosts have social media accounts? Because they don't have any living friends.
89. I'm reading a book on the history of glue. I just can't seem to put it down.
90. Why was the computer cold? Because it left its Windows open.
91. I tried to start a hot air balloon business, but it never really took off.
92. I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.
93. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
94. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
95. Why don't oysters give to charity? Because they're shellfish.
96. I told my wife she was getting too obsessed with astrology. She didn't take it well. She's a Scorpio.
97. Why don't ghosts have social media accounts? Because they don't have any living friends.
98. I'm reading a book on the history of glue. I just can't seem to put it down.
99. Why was the computer cold? Because it left its Windows open.
100. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
101. I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
102. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
103. I used to play hide and seek, but it's just hard to find good players these days.
104. Why did the math book look so sad? Because it had too many problems.
105. I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.
106. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
107. Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
108. I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
109. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
110. I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
111. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
112. I used to play hide and seek, but it's just hard to find good players these days.
113. Why did the math book look so sad? Because it had too many problems.
114. I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.
115. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
116. Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
117. I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
118. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
119. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy.